Taking the leap …

It is with some trepidation that I’ve finally undertaken the onerous task of purchasing a “real” bicycle.  For the past several years at the local sprint triathlons, although I manage to hold my own fairly well on my 1970’s bike, I’ve always been passed by the fast riders of the wave that starts after us.  These UFO’s hum up behind you with their disk wheels and pass you as if you’re standing still; and they started 5 minutes later!  Never having paid more than $150 for a bicycle in my life and it being the weeks of the Tour de France, I thought I’d share some of the important lessons that I’ve learned thus far.

• After riding a beat-up, second hand ten-speed for the past 10 years, any machine costing more than $200 is like riding in a Delorian.
• When you prefix any equipment with “tri,” the price is automatically adjusted upwards by 30%.  The same is true with the word “aero.”  Never, never ask for the aero version of the tri- time-trial bike for triathlon sprints.
• I’ve been reading Bicycling Magazine and Inside Triathlon enough to almost handle the lingo: downtube, chromalloy, brazons, clinchers, skewers, schraeder, presta, cassettes, head sets, cleats.
• Bicycles made of precious metals (e.g. titanium, uranium, tritium) are very expensive.  They also move so fast that I can’t catch them to ride on.
• When you live in a resort region, its tough to find a shop with more than one highly priced “show” bike and a fleet of three thousand rentals.
• Triathletes will snatch up any performance enhancement, even aero water bottles (just $19.95 with mounting bracket)!  I guess now I can get rid of those weighty brazons.
• Every shop has someone working there who rides that exact same model and loves it.  I guess these people have a lot of bikes at home.
• You used to buy the bike that was on sale on the rack at Sears.  Now, bike shopping is like buying shoes; bikes have to be tried on for the correct “fit.”  And if you’ve got the money, you can get a bike made just for you, exactly to your physical dimensions.  What’s your frame geometry?
• Bikes come in a lot more flavors than they used to.  You used to be able to choose from road, country or kids – yeah, that thing with the basket and banana seat that you used to deliver newspapers on.  Now you can pick from mountain (full suspension, cross-country, downhill, recreational, street (?), touring, vert, bmx), country (manual or automatic, performance, touring, cruiser), road (time trial, sprint, touring, triathlon, cyclocross), not to mention track or any combination you can think of.  Now, do you want that with a double or triple chain ring? … front and rear disk brakes? … record, chorus, 105, ultegra or dura ace drive train?  The catalog I currently have in front of me has 27 different models of mountain bike, 19 road bike models, and 20 hybrids!
• It’s the same story with wheels: you can get wheels with 28, 24, 20, 18, 4, and 3 spokes, deep section, or disc in 650c or 700c.  “Full length spokes with structural carbon fiber skin ….” ??

Well, I guess I’ll take a break and get some nifty new sunglasses so I can look real cool when (if) I finally get my new bike.  Watch out at the next triathlon because I’ll be the one humming up behind you on my brand new speedster … and if you happen to have a gently used Litespeed or Griffen lying around your garage, send me an e-mail.